The official advice and interactive forum for GayWrites.org. Read up, speak up, help out, reach out.

26th July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: Is it transphobic to say that I'm into trans guys but not cis guys... Like I used to identify as a lesbian but now I also likes trans guys. I don't want to make trans men's identities not truly male but I honestly only find myself occassionally attracted to men if they're trans

I honestly don’t know. I’m cis and have only been with cis people, so I don’t feel qualified to answer this, but I know that plenty of people with trans partners have written at length about being attracted to guys only if they’re trans (Diane Anderson-Minshall is one, and her article sparked a lot of controversy). If anyone else wants to chime in, feel free! 

Tagged: lgbtqtranscisattractionfrom youAnonymous

26th July 2014

Question with 8 notes

Anonymous said: I am currently 15 and I came out to my mom as bisexual a few months ago. When I told her, she was super supportive and told me that you would accept me no matter my sexual orientation... But then she said that "However, I would believe this more if you were older." .... It hurt a lot when she said that, but I didn't say anything because at least she said you WOULD accept me. Should I have said something?

That’s really frustrating, and I’m sorry her acceptance was tarnished by that. Unfortunately, it’s a pretty common thing for parents to experience, so there is no right or wrong way for you to respond. You could have said that 15 is plenty old enough to know who you are (nobody tells straight 15-year-olds they’re “too young to know”) but it’s okay that you didn’t, too. Acceptance is a great place to start, even if it’s hesitant, and she’ll come around completely before too long. Good luck. <3 

Tagged: coming outlgbtqfrom youbisexualityAnonymous

26th July 2014

Question with 2 notes

Anonymous said: Over the past few months, I've started to realize that I might be bi-gender, or at least non- binary. Throughout this process I've never felt dysphoric at all. Is this unusual? Should I start somehow checking if my thoughts are inaccurate?

I’m cis and therefore can’t speak directly to these experiences, BUT from what I’ve read, you don’t have to experience dysphoria to identify as non-binary. Your feelings are your feelings, and everyone experiences their gender identity and their relationship to their body differently. Non-binary friends, is that right? 

Tagged: lgbtqgendernonbinarybigenderAnonymous

3rd July 2014

Question with 30 notes

Anonymous said: Does anybody else find it weird that you have to come out as being gay, and that everyone just *assumes* that your straight? I feel like that's complete BS and I want to know why that is.

Because heteronormativity. We see more straight people than LGBT people in the media, in pop culture, etc; we don’t really know how many LGBT people are out there because we’re intimidated and harassed into silence; we’re taught that we are wildly outnumbered because mainstream society has forced us into thinking we’re unworthy of occupying space in the public sphere. Straight until proven gay. It’s absolute BS. 

Tagged: Anonymous

3rd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

Anonymous said: I'm an 18-y-o girl. Had a couple of boyfriends that I got vaguely physical with, and didn't feel anything at all. I don't really "get" attraction (I have only recently learned that understanding someone is attractive in general is not the same as actually being attracted to them), and I'm starting to wonder if I'm asexual. I really don't know! I did some reading on the internet, and floated the subject with my mom, who replied "No you're not" and who now thinks I'm horribly repressed. Help?

It’s okay to feel like that! I am not asexual, so I don’t have any experience that I can share in comparison. But know that whatever you are feeling is valid, and you don’t have to label it until you’re ready to (or at all, ever). I’m sorry about your mom; sometimes there’s a generational divide when it comes to any identities beyond “gay” and “straight.” There are a lot of asexual bloggers out there who can help you, though, so I’d look them up and ask about their experiences. Good luck! You’re gonna be okay. 

Tagged: asexualityAnonymous

2nd July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: I have a BIG crush on my best friend. She had a crush on me too, but we both agreed it's better that we stayed friends. I'm having a hard time getting over her, and it kills me to hear her talk about this other girl that she likes. I don't what to do

Sorry to hear that! But you’ve got to get over her the way you would get over anyone; take time, distract yourself, let yourself feel your feelings and tell yourself they are okay and valid. It’s okay to tell her you need some time apart if you need it. This is always difficult to go through, especially if she likes someone else and talks about it in front of you, so do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Good luck! <3

Tagged: Anonymous

2nd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

ahmander said: Hi! Not sure if you can help but I figured I'd give it a try! I'm a MA student in London writing my dissertation about LGBTQ workplace discrimination in the UK. I'd love to speak to any LGBTQ people about their experiences working in the UK- good or bad. It can be anonymous! If you could put the word out, that would be fabulous. Thank you!

Of course! 

Tagged: ukhelp someone outfrom youahmander

2nd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

Anonymous said: I'm going to a new high school this year, where I know about 8 people and I'm nervous. What if I get crushes on girls and have no idea what their sexuality is? I'm worried I'm about to go to a school that treats gays badly. I'm not sure what to do.

I was terrified of this, too. You’ll probably learn pretty quickly whether or not the school is LGBT-friendly; you can look for a GSA (or try to start one), or look for teachers who have Safe Space materials or other indicators that they support LGBT students. As for getting crushes on girls, that may happen! Get to know them and you’ll probably figure out sooner than later what their sexual orientation is/if they have feelings for someone else/etc. Keep in mind that a lot of people will still be figuring this out and not everyone who later identifies as LGBT may be ready to say so. Above all, find people who support you and love you and tackle this new school together. With the right people around you, you can do it! <3 

Tagged: Anonymous

2nd July 2014

Photoset reblogged from BuzzFeed LGBT with 56,785 notes

A look into the experiences of bisexual women who happened to fall in love with men

Graphics by Chris Ritter

Source: BuzzFeed

1st July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: Ok so... Back when I was about 12 I had my first crush ever on one of my best friends who was a girl. I didnt know how to feel and I didnt understand "crushes" at the time, so I dismissed my feelings as just silliness. Now fast forward a couple of years and I now have a boyfriend, but I still find females attractive and I could see myself being with a girl. Long story short, I am having trouble identifying myself and I need advice on how to sort through my feelings :/

That’s a-ok! You don’t need to rush to find a label that works. Listening to your feelings is what’s most important, even if you don’t know exactly where to put them. If you’re happy with your boyfriend right now, that’s awesome! It’s perfectly okay to feel that way and also to recognize your interest in girls at the same time. You may at some point identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or any other number of words (or no words at all), but there’s no rush to get there. Just know that your feelings are legitimate, even if they’re overwhelming. I hope that helps! Good luck. <3 

Tagged: Anonymous