Anonymous: I also think you're using the word "homophobic" too broadly, when you say opposing marriage equality is homophobic. I think you need to define what "homophobic" means. What's your definition, what's the definition from others?

Merriam-Webster: irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals 

Me: irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals*

*all such fears, aversions and discriminatory feelings or actions are by nature irrational

Opposing marriage equality states that queer people are fundamentally different from — and lesser than — straight people.

Opposing marriage equality states that queer people do not deserve the legal rights afforded to straight people. 

Opposing marriage equality is homophobia.

Anonymous: I'm very confused about heteronormativity and hetero-assimilation. I have seen people in the LGBTQ+ community who believe that repealing DADT and pushing for marriage equality is hetero-assimilation and that organizations like GLAAD, Human Rights Campaign, and GLSEN are doing the opposite of helping the LGBTQ+ community. I thought those organizations were good and helpful, are they not? I am bisexual and I do not want to be an uneducated person in this community. Thanks.

I have typed and retyped this a million times trying to get the correct words for everything in my head and I still don’t think I got it right. But here we go.

Okay, so for starters, I think pretty much everybody here knows I work at GLSEN. So do with that information what you will. Disclaimer aside, I think it’s perfectly fine to want to resist assimilation and live queerly in whatever way you want, but that doesn’t mean organizations who work on behalf of equal rights are doing unhelpful work.

I’ll use marriage equality as an example, since you brought it up. Yes, sometimes the marketing message comes across as “everyone wants to get married,” which is untrue of queer OR straight people. BUT, is getting married necessarily assimilating into heteronormative culture? I don’t think so. Carina Kolodny wrote that same-sex marriage will “fundamentally destroy” traditional marriage (in a good way!) because decisions regarding income, having kids, childcare, changing of last names, housework, etc etc will no longer be assigned on the basis of gender. Same-sex marriage inherently requires those conversations about partnership and coexistence to happen because there’s no “tradition” to fall back on. Marriage as an institution is patriarchal, sure, but that doesn’t mean we can’t queer it. And we also forget that for a lot of people, marriage equality really is legally necessary — for protection of children, health benefits, etc. A lot of queer couples need marriage for more than cute wedding pictures, and it’s very frustrating to me when anti-assimilationists reduce the concept of marriage to rich couples who “just want a big rainbow wedding.” 

If you want to live your life, gender, relationships, work, expression, etc etc outside of the mainstream, that is awesome! Unfortunately, there are admittedly fewer organizations built to support you. We can all acknowledge that, and it sucks. But that doesn’t mean the other organizations out there are the enemy. Legal marriage rights are crucial for a lot of people. Media accountability makes a big difference in public opinion of queer people, which obviously affects rates of discrimination and homophobia. Anti-bullying legislation is proven to protect LGBTQ+ kids in school. Pretty much every major org out there has played a role in major victories for queer communities (and not only in marriage equality), many of them affecting thousands or millions of people at once. There is no perfect organization, but the work is still good. 

My feelings are obviously scattered, but basically, I have a hard time saying that any major queer org out there is “doing the opposite of helping.” In a movement like this one, which depends on our collaboration and sticking up for one another, we have to assume best intentions. If you don’t see yourself in the work, join the work, add your voice, tell the movement what else it needs to do to support you. The more people are doing it, the better it’ll be. 







the LGBTQA resource center made a lil typo, i fixed it

*rolls eyes into oblivion*

And DONT erase ally either!

no just erase the ally

erase all the ally

being an ally is not a sexual orientation or a way of life that is discriminated against

so just erase the ally

Not only that, but you aren’t even being a proper ally when you just sit back and act like it’s your space to fill.

If you want to be a proper ally and not just post happy rainbows for equality on the internet, fucking say something and stop actively allowing MOGAI and queer groups and resources to prioritize cisgender heterosexual allies instead of asexuals.

That’s what allies do. They speak out against erasure and phobias and the marginalization of others when they are given the opportunity to have a voice when no one else is. And then sit the fuck back and give those marginalized groups the floor.

Fun fact!  The A actually stood for ally in a not-so-distant past.

Not only because allies actually put themselves in harm’s way, but because that was what a lot of people could identify as before they figured out they belonged to another letter, or because they were LGBTQ and wanted to express support and solidarity but could not risk disclosure, for any of so many reasons.

In some places, it is still that way.

Asexual erasure is wrong, and so is erasure of history.  There are 2 Q’s.  There’s no law against having 2 A’s.

Don’t erase history in the service of not erasing asexual people.

(Source: blusuedebonez, via xkrisxcross)

Anonymous: I've been recently wondering if I'm bisexual.. I am a female, 18. I got into gay rights young, and usually considered myself an ally. But. I've been romantically attracted to women before. I would call myself biromantic and leave it be, but sometimes I wonder. And when I do, I very violently cut off the thought. I think I might have some internalized homophobia? I'm more than okay with the LGBTQ+ community.. but when I consider that I might be bisexual.. I don't let myself. Any advice???

Internalized homophobia and biphobia are very real things! It’s unfortunate that you feel them, but it’s okay and doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. I’m glad you have surrounded yourself with opportunities to explore and consider other possibilities for your identity, and it’s okay not to know where you fit in yet. Ultimately, labels aren’t as important as doing what makes you happy. It’s scary to realize that you just might identify with a group that faces such marginalization, but it sounds like you’ve already been doing your part to try to make things better. If you end up identifying as bi, awesome. And if not, that’s awesome too. It’s a process, but you’ll get there. Good luck. <3 

Anonymous: So I'm a bisexual but I usually just tell people I'm gay to avoid confrontation. I've been feeling guilty about this for a little while and I want to know if what I'm doing is wrong especially because of bisexual awareness becoming more important

Not “wrong,” no. But it can be misleading, and some bi folks might find it upsetting. You have to do what feels right and safe for you, which sometimes means bending the truth. You are certainly not the only one who does this! I do it sometimes too, and I’m sure others do as well. BUT, when more of us feel comfortable saying that we’re bi instead of feeling like we have to fit into either the “gay” or “straight” boxes, that will absolutely do a world of good for bi visibility and awareness across the board. <3 

singh64: If you get kicked out of your house for being L/G/B/T etc., you have no money, no one to stay with and there's no LGBT homeless shelter anywhere, what do you do?

I don’t really feel qualified to answer this, and almost anything I can come up with that could help one person might hurt another. Try with all your might to find somewhere nearby that would be safe for you to go, but if you can’t, call 911 or information and ask for a homelessness hotline to find out the best step. This will all depend very much on where you are, so please please please use your best judgement to keep yourself safe. 

Anonymous: Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl who's recently come out as bisexual to some of my closer friends. I just wanted to know does the feeling of "not being queer enough" ever go away?

I don’t know. I’m 23 and have been feeling it for almost a decade. While it hasn’t gone away completely, it’s definitely not as bad as it used to be. Hang in there. <3