The official advice and interactive forum for GayWrites.org. Read up, speak up, help out, reach out.

3rd July 2014

Question with 30 notes

Anonymous said: Does anybody else find it weird that you have to come out as being gay, and that everyone just *assumes* that your straight? I feel like that's complete BS and I want to know why that is.

Because heteronormativity. We see more straight people than LGBT people in the media, in pop culture, etc; we don’t really know how many LGBT people are out there because we’re intimidated and harassed into silence; we’re taught that we are wildly outnumbered because mainstream society has forced us into thinking we’re unworthy of occupying space in the public sphere. Straight until proven gay. It’s absolute BS. 

Tagged: Anonymous

3rd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

Anonymous said: I'm an 18-y-o girl. Had a couple of boyfriends that I got vaguely physical with, and didn't feel anything at all. I don't really "get" attraction (I have only recently learned that understanding someone is attractive in general is not the same as actually being attracted to them), and I'm starting to wonder if I'm asexual. I really don't know! I did some reading on the internet, and floated the subject with my mom, who replied "No you're not" and who now thinks I'm horribly repressed. Help?

It’s okay to feel like that! I am not asexual, so I don’t have any experience that I can share in comparison. But know that whatever you are feeling is valid, and you don’t have to label it until you’re ready to (or at all, ever). I’m sorry about your mom; sometimes there’s a generational divide when it comes to any identities beyond “gay” and “straight.” There are a lot of asexual bloggers out there who can help you, though, so I’d look them up and ask about their experiences. Good luck! You’re gonna be okay. 

Tagged: asexualityAnonymous

2nd July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: I have a BIG crush on my best friend. She had a crush on me too, but we both agreed it's better that we stayed friends. I'm having a hard time getting over her, and it kills me to hear her talk about this other girl that she likes. I don't what to do

Sorry to hear that! But you’ve got to get over her the way you would get over anyone; take time, distract yourself, let yourself feel your feelings and tell yourself they are okay and valid. It’s okay to tell her you need some time apart if you need it. This is always difficult to go through, especially if she likes someone else and talks about it in front of you, so do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Good luck! <3

Tagged: Anonymous

2nd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

ahmander said: Hi! Not sure if you can help but I figured I'd give it a try! I'm a MA student in London writing my dissertation about LGBTQ workplace discrimination in the UK. I'd love to speak to any LGBTQ people about their experiences working in the UK- good or bad. It can be anonymous! If you could put the word out, that would be fabulous. Thank you!

Of course! 

Tagged: ukhelp someone outfrom youahmander

2nd July 2014

Question with 2 notes

Anonymous said: I'm going to a new high school this year, where I know about 8 people and I'm nervous. What if I get crushes on girls and have no idea what their sexuality is? I'm worried I'm about to go to a school that treats gays badly. I'm not sure what to do.

I was terrified of this, too. You’ll probably learn pretty quickly whether or not the school is LGBT-friendly; you can look for a GSA (or try to start one), or look for teachers who have Safe Space materials or other indicators that they support LGBT students. As for getting crushes on girls, that may happen! Get to know them and you’ll probably figure out sooner than later what their sexual orientation is/if they have feelings for someone else/etc. Keep in mind that a lot of people will still be figuring this out and not everyone who later identifies as LGBT may be ready to say so. Above all, find people who support you and love you and tackle this new school together. With the right people around you, you can do it! <3 

Tagged: Anonymous

2nd July 2014

Photoset reblogged from BuzzFeed LGBT with 52,893 notes

A look into the experiences of bisexual women who happened to fall in love with men

Graphics by Chris Ritter

Source: BuzzFeed

1st July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: Ok so... Back when I was about 12 I had my first crush ever on one of my best friends who was a girl. I didnt know how to feel and I didnt understand "crushes" at the time, so I dismissed my feelings as just silliness. Now fast forward a couple of years and I now have a boyfriend, but I still find females attractive and I could see myself being with a girl. Long story short, I am having trouble identifying myself and I need advice on how to sort through my feelings :/

That’s a-ok! You don’t need to rush to find a label that works. Listening to your feelings is what’s most important, even if you don’t know exactly where to put them. If you’re happy with your boyfriend right now, that’s awesome! It’s perfectly okay to feel that way and also to recognize your interest in girls at the same time. You may at some point identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or any other number of words (or no words at all), but there’s no rush to get there. Just know that your feelings are legitimate, even if they’re overwhelming. I hope that helps! Good luck. <3 

Tagged: Anonymous

1st July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: Hey what do you do when your entire family jokes about gay people and are slightly homophobic. I am 16 years old so are not financially stable but I want to come out to them as being bisexual. I feel like if they know the real me they will not want me around. Even my sister said she was worried about me because I liked your page on Facebook. Please help me, I don't know what to do.

I’m sorry you’re in that situation! This is one of the hardest things to deal with. Like you said, because you’re not financially independent right now, it might be best not to tell your whole family just yet until you’re certain that you will continue to be housed, fed, etc. Start by telling a close friend or family member who you know will be supportive, and over time, you can branch out to telling more and more people. You can also test the waters by asking subtly if your parents have any LGBT friends or extended family members and how they feel about them. A lot of times, families do come around even if they were once homophobic, and I’m hoping that is what happens for you. Good luck! 

Tagged: Anonymous

1st July 2014

Question with 1 note

Anonymous said: Exposition: I am a bisexual man. Now that that's out of the way, I was wondering if you have ever found yourself in a similar situation. Being that I am romantically/sexually attracted to men and women, I have a distinctly different view of friendship/romance with people. I have trouble maintaining a strictly platonic friendship with those I connect with, man or woman (haven't encountered any other gender identities, sorry). Have you had to confront this and if so how do you deal with it?

What do you mean, exactly? If you’re attracted to somebody, it’s normal that your first instinct isn’t to have a platonic relationship with them, regardless of their gender. If those attractions are mutual and consensual, then great! And if not, it’s important to move on/make sure the relationship does stay platonic/do whatever you have to do to respect people’s boundaries. I hope that helps! 

Tagged: Anonymous

26th June 2014

Question with 5 notes

Anonymous said: I'm bi girl and seventeen,I've only come out to a few people and am not really ready to come out more than that yet. I'm going off to college in a year and already have plans to move in with my bff and her sister. Its just I come out to them and I've been wondering if it was right to be roommates and them not knowing Im attracted to girls I've already slept in the same bed with both of them but I'm not attracted to either of them. I feel like I've lied and betrayed them by keeping it secret.

Not being ready to talk about being bi is not lying or betraying anyone! I faced the same thing in college, where I built up in my head that my roommate wouldn’t be okay with me being bi. When I told her — I think I actually said “you can make other arrangements if you want” — she was totally fine with it. Still, you have every right to take your time. Coming out is something that happens on your own schedule. If you want to tell them before you move in together, that’s your call, but your friendship should not be dependent on it. 

Tagged: Anonymous